i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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