all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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