If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
