Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
