glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
