Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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