I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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