So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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