WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize