Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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