genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
