She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
