Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Will exercising make me less horny?
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