seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
