omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
