M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
