I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
