Soap is not a condiment
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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