she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
