Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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