mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
