the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
