how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
