Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
