can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
