and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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