I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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