they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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