The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
