He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
