i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
