u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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