Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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