Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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