um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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