He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize