I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
