I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
