So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
