Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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