Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
