I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Randomize
