All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
