you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
