Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize