Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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