Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
