I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
