i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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