I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize