We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
