why didn't you poke me back
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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