My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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