The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
