The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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