It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize