I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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