I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize