i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
