half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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