did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
