guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
