I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
