My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
