New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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