my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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