He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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