So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
