If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i wish my penis had a tongue
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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