I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
