It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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