I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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