genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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