OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
