i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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