dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
