We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
