I don't think brook has ever known best
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
